The New Defence Teacher
by eternata
Summary: Written for a drabble challenge - "Let me introduce this year's Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher. Class, this is Col. Mustang." Crossover with Harry Potter. I have no excuse.


Written for a drabble challenge - "Let me introduce this year's Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher. Class, this is Col. Mustang."  
  
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The New Defence Teacher  
  
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He had been the talk of the entire castle ever since his introduction on the first day of school: Tall, dark and handsome Professor Roy Mustang, with his ever-present gloves and smirk, and an air of confidence that had half the females swooning at his feet.   
  
It was with some anticipation that the class filed into their first DADA lesson of the year, settling at their tables with a minimum of fuss and an air of barely contained excitement. Professor Mustang was perched lazily on the high table at the front of the room, taking attendance as each student walked in.   
  
When the last of the latecomers arrived (and there weren't many of them, who would want to miss Professor Mustang's first lesson, after all?) and settled into their chairs, he snapped his fingers once, precisely, for attention.  
  
"Alright," he said, in what would almost be called a purr (several girls at the front of the class had to grab their parchment and frantically fan themselves with the loose sheets), "Since this is the first lesson, I don't expect you to do much. This lesson, I just want to introduce a highly endangered species, only two of which exist today."  
  
The furious whispering, which had quietened when the Professor spoke, restarted with more fervour.   
  
"Fullmetal," Professor Mustang called out of the open door, "You can come in now."   
  
Several loud stomping noises ensued, causing the less adventurous members of the class to shrink back, but the only thing that entered the room was a short, grumpy-looking teenager in a bright red coat that stormed towards the professor and stopped next to him with a glare. Even wearing a pair of clunky hiking boots, his head barely cleared the raised surface of the teacher's desk.   
  
"I had so fucking better be getting overtime pay for this, Colonel," he snarled.   
  
"Language, Fullmetal, we are educating the impressionable young masses here," the professor said mildly, before turning back to the class. "Now, class, I'd like to introduce you to an extremely rare specimen, the Elric. As I said earlier, there are only two remaining in the world today, a pair of brothers..."   
  
"This was NOT what I expected when you asked me to help with your class--"  
  
"...of which this is the older, characterised by his smaller stature..."  
  
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME SHORT?"   
  
"...and more volatile nature--no, Fullmetal, but you must admit that Alphonse is the taller of you both--as well as a general tendency to get his limbs destroyed."  
  
"It was only ONCE!" the boy protested, glaring up at Professor Mustang.   
  
Professor Mustang ignored him serenely. "While not precisely hostile, the older Elric, otherwise known as the Fullmetal Alchemist, will react to any remarks regarding his height with unnecessary vehemence. I say 'unnecessary' in this case because if the comments about him being short were not true, then I would not lose him behind my paperwork as often as actually happens."   
  
Reaching out with one hand, Professor Mustang pinned the hood of the coat that the Fullmetal Alchemist was wearing to the table, jerking the teenager back before he could receive a fist to the nose. The class watched with an air of horrified awe.   
  
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT I LOOK LIKE A BEAN--"  
  
"However," continued the DADA professor smoothly, not letting go of the jacket, "As the Fullmetal Alchemist cannot attack higher than he can actually reach..."   
  
"--AND YOU CAN LOSE ME BEHIND A SINGLE SHEET OF PAPER--"   
  
"...as long as you wear adequate ankle protection, you should be safe."   
  
"THAT DOES IT, MUSTANG, YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN."  
  
-owari  
  
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......................I have no excuse. 


End file.
